There’s a difference between what I am told to create and what I create when I am emotional.

Go into that night with a blazing fire,

Do not heed what a soul has to say,

March on with the armor of truth,

For one day you will see they were wrong all along,

You are strong,

Prove to humanity,

Prove them ALL wrong.

I’ve heard somewhere that the second before you die you see your life flash before your eyes. If you think about it, that second is a very long time. It’s an entire life time again. It stretches on forever like, an ocean of time. What if, now listen closely, what if we never die? At least that’s what it seems. What if every time we are about to die, we relive our life inside another flash before our eyes, all over again, inside another, over and over. never ceasing. Like the petals of a flower. What if every time someone dies, they’re reliving their life in their blink of an eye. What if we are all reliving our lives and we think its a blink of an eye, when in reality, we’re all stuck in the dirt.

“What do you mean I won’t remember!?” You look down to the giant glass orb. It turned as it illuminated. Bright colors, reflections ringing the glass.

“You won’t be able to remember me. That IS the test.” He looked down wishing it weren’t true.

“Then I don’t want to go.”

“What choice do we have?”

“But I don’t want to leave you.” Your chest tightens at the thought.

“I wish I could keep you here in my arms,” He looked down at you, like he was afraid you’d break if he spoke another word. “But you really must go. If you pass, we will meet again.”

You see the globe is vast and deep, green and blue. What a strange looking planet. What if you don’t make it back? You have no idea what is in there. Time is different inside. How will that even feel? How will that effect everything?

“I’m scared.” The corners of your eyes begin to wet. You try to hide it, but it’s not enough.

He wrapped you tight, “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

CRASH!

The walls began to crumble. Dust spreading in every which way. You hear a far off ROAR. The stone floor shook, cracking, splitting the room into thirds. Fire blazed. Its the Serpent!

Clawing through the marbled halls, the dragon coiled toward you. Your eyes widen, your heart dropping. Only meters away. Rumbling and growling the scaly creature hissed its tongue, darting your way. It was so fast you couldn’t tell how long it was.

“HURRY! GET. IN. THAT. PORTAL!” He pointed to the swirling light, his freehand reaching for the long sword from his back belt.

You spun to leave, then turned back. “NO! I CANT LEAVE YOU!”

The dragon ROARED, The rock walls shaking, wind turning.

“GO NOW!” He screamed, shoving you through the portal. The light consumed you. Colors wisped free, and then, he disappeared.

“DAD!?”

Milk

Eggs

Art Studio

Farrari

Strait A’s

Immortality

Revenge on the bully

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Ice cream

There’s Just something keeping me from doing things. Something that’s stopping me. I’ve always been the late bloomer. With EVERYTHING. Anything grown up related I just CAN’T do! I”m so afraid of moving on, Getting better, Growing up. I’m afraid of messing up.

I don’t want to drive on the street. I don’t want to go on the wrong lane. Everyone watching me! Honking at me!

I don’t want to feel peoples anger towards me. It hurts too much.

I don’t like playing games, I’m afraid I wont understand it and people will get frustrated with me. so i don’t play.

I don’t want a job because I’m afraid it will take a long time for me to adjust and the employees will get annoyed.

I don’t want friends,

I’m afraid they will do what they did long ago,

What they did before…

I’m so tired of people.

So tired of other peoples thoughts of ME.

I want to run away

and maybe

live my own kind of life.

“What do you hear?”

uhh………..I hear……..wind?

“Good, Good. Now what do you feel?”

I feel……I feel, Movement.

“What kind of movement?”

Like…water. But its not.

“What do you see?”

Nothing…..Just black Nothing.

“How did you get here?”

I…… I…

I don’t know….

I run away not to get away.

I do it so you will hold me tight!

I LIKE to feel trapped.

Trapped in the comfort of your arms.

Rocks crunched under my wooden heels. The wind fresh with the scent of peaches far off in the vast orchards. Where HAS that boy gone!?

I search through the row of trees. Peaches so large the branches droop. “Alex!” I called. There was no answer. “Alex please come out where ever you are! You’re making me scared!”. Still no answer.

Worry began to run through my quickened heart. Maybe I passed him.

I turned back passing the lined shrubbery. Alex jumped out and grabbed hold of me. “AHHHH” I squealed putting my hands to my face. “Alex You! You frightened me!” The little boy looked up not saddened at my scolding but only laughed. Realizing my foolishness, I began to laugh too.

We skipped through the gardens and sang silly rhymes, not knowing the adventure that was about to begin.

At the edge of the orchard is a cliff. The sea ragged and folded onto itself. Deep blue and enticing. “I’ve heard stories of the Sea Spirit. When you lose something valuable in its alluring depth of the sea, you must offer it a gift of richest value. Then the Sea Spirit would bring you what you’ve lost.”

Alex looked up. “Let’s try it!” his eyes wide with excitement. He jumped up and snatched my straw hat.

“Alex!!” I panicked. “What are you!?-“

He tossed it out to the wretched sea. Its light blue ribbon waving.

I watched as my hat hit the water. Sputtering, my words knotted on the salty air. Sipping gulps of air I panicked. “ALEX! What am I going to DO with you!!!”

Far deep down was my hat. Sinking to the sand floor.

“It’s alright Shannon, we’ll just get it from the Sea Spirit!” The little boy grinned not realizing the anger I felt. “Follow me! We’ll get your hat!” He cheerfully skipped on the steep path to the edge of the cliff.

“Be careful Alex!” I ran to the edge and held my cotton skirt out of the way following the path that led down.

Alex stopped skipping and held to the rock on the side. We inched ourselves down to the sandy beach. Hundreds of seagulls flew off the closer we came to the water. It glimmered and rippled with aqua light. Just looking into it made me want to sip it up.

“I don’t see your hat.” Alex whispered. “Sorry.”

“Keep looking.” I glared out to sea. “Maybe it’s not as far as we think.”

Alex ran up and down the shore. We waited to see if the water would spit it up, but nothing happened.

“I’m going to jump in and search for it.” Alex stood up and began lifting his shirt as he strode. I stood up and grabbed his arm.

“No! you’re not going to be difficult! You’ve already lost my hat! I will not loose my friend! Now you be a good boy and go home! I don’t need your parents to be cross with me!”

Reluctantly he stormed off and ran home. I sighed, relieved he didn’t disobey. What would have happened if he jumped in? I shivered at the thought. Being by the ocean didn’t help. I just wanted to go home.

Mother was going to be cross that I lost my hat, but there was nothing else I could do. At least Alex was safe.

I walked home and went to sleep. It was late.

I heard a small knock at my window, which startled me. It was Alex. What was he doing out in the middle of the night?

I opened the window and asked what he was doing up this late.

“I found this out by the beach!” He held a open shell coated with mother of pear on the inside. It caught the candle light and shone bright.

“That’s beautiful but why are you showing me this now?”

“Let’s go see the Sea Spirit. We can offer this to him and maybe he will bring us your hat!”

I stared down at him in shock. After a moment of silence I closed the window and went back to bed.

Tap tap tap.

I turned in my sheets and pulled the blanket over my head.

Tap tap…

“OK!” I jumped from my sheets and opened the window. Alex bounced for joy.

I just wanted to get this over with and go back to sleep. I took the book I had read the tale of the Sea Spirit. Alex climbed in and sat on the floor with me. We turned the pages to where to find the Spirit. Thankfully Alex couldn’t read very well and just bothered to look at the pictures.

A great cave was drawn on the right page. I prepared a long story to make this easier than the story had said. But Alex just pointed to the picture and said, “We need to put it in there!” He got up and climbed out the window and began running toward the forest towards the edge of the cliff. Everyone knows of the cave by the cliffs. But it’s forbidden.

Shannon told Alex all they had to do was go to the cave and drop the shell in. So off they went out into the night.

They crossed the gardens and the wildflower field. Once they reached the forest Alex stopped.

“What is it Alex?”

“I’m scared.” He looked up with starry eyes.

“Well if your too scared let’s just go home.” I scoffed. I turned to leave but Alex took my pinky and headed into the forest. I sighed and followed.

“Alex we’ll need to be back before sun up-or-or the magic won’t work.

He intently stayed on the path leading the way.

It was very dark, I should have brought a lantern. Maybe I’d be home sooner.

We heard growls and saw little glowing eyes. The fireflies began to glow, illuminating the bright green leaves. It was almost as if they were showing us the way…but it must be my imagination. I just wanted to go home as soon as possible.

I will admit, it was beautiful at night. You could hear trickles of little streams. The forest seemed to glow on the inside. If you were at the edge of the wood you wouldn’t be able to tell it was warm and alive. No one would need a lantern in here. It almost made me want to stay, but something still tugged at me. I should tell Alex the truth. It isn’t safe for us to be out here in the middle of the night. I looked down at Alex who was thinking about what the spirit might look like.

“Um…Alex? We should probably be heading home. We don’t know what’s out here. We’re not even supposed to be in the forest.”

“We need to get your hat back.” He kept walking.

“Listen, I was just making it all up.”

He turned to me. Expecting to see him cry, I was surprised to see he just lifted his brows and said, “You just want to go home.”

Not knowing how to answer this, I really did want to go home, I tried to keep up with him. “No really, The story isn’t true. I was just playing around and gave in thinking it would be fun to sneak out for a minute but we’re pretty far from home Alex. I’m sorry I lied to you.”

“Liar.” He raised his brows again and folded his arms. “You’re just sccccaaaarrred.”

“No i’m not!”

He ran following the path as he laughed.

“Alex!” I ran after him.

The glow started to fade away….and it got dark. Maybe I was a little scared, but I was scared of something more. Something deep down.

We made it to the opening of the cave. It’s just a hole in the ground made of stone. It leads down to a cave that opens up to the beach down below the cliff.

“Ok. Now that we’re here let’s just toss the shell in and hurry home. OK?”

He tossed it in and listened to it fall down the slide like tunnel.

“Ok let’s go.” I turned to leave.

“Wait! I want to see the spirit! Let’s see if he will bring us back your hat.”

I turned back around to argue with him,

but he slipped.

“AAAAAHHHHHH!” His scream trailed down the cave.

“ALEX!” I rushed to the opening. He was gone!

“ALEX!” I called again.

There was no answer.

I stood up and looked around biting my nail, putting my hand to my forehead. What was I supposed to do now! I was sure to be in trouble. What if he’s hurt!?

The only way to get to him now was out of the forest and down through the beach. The hole was too tight.

“ALEX!” I called again.

I waited.

A small groan echoed the cave.

“Alex!?”

No answer.

Thank heavens he’s alive! I’ll have to go down the long way.

I ran on the path brushing through leaves and runaway things, fireflies darting away. Jumping over logs, ignoring the animals reaching out to claw at me.

I ran through the flower fields and inched myself down the path to the beach.

I wasn’t sure how far it was from here. All I knew was to run.

And so I ran. Sand spilling into my leather shoes making it harder to run and yet I ran faster. Faster than I ever had. My breath inching away from grasp. I wanted more air but yet I used it too fast. I ran. I ran, I ran, I RAN.

The sun slowly started to peak from the horizon making my heart beat faster.

What if he fades away before I can reach him?

I felt my insides bruise, my heart ooze.

In the distance I see a cave. I speed up, “I’m coming!!!!”

I entered the cave. “Alex!!? Where are you?!” My voice traveled the space and bounced off the stone walls.

“Over here!” His voice staggered.

I turned to a little corner of the cave. There Alex laid, his hair a mess, his sleeve torn.

“There you are! I was worried sick!” I knelt down beside him. “Are you hurt?”

He shook his head. “I think I’m okay.”

“Good.” I felt lighter. I looked back down to him. “I’m sorry for being a bit hard. The truth, well, the real truth is I wanted you to go home so your parents wouldn’t get mad at me. I really like to spend time with you, I have lots of fun. Its just… sometimes its best to follow the rules than to have fun, because in the end you’ll end up in a place like this.” I motioned to the cave around us.

He looked down. “I’m sorry too. I keep forgetting your too old to play now. I just want to play and your always busy. I took your hat because,….” He looked almost sick, “I just wanted your attention.”

The cave fell silent. We studied the cave floor.

“Hey,” I softly said. “Let’s head home, okay?” I held my hand out to help him up. He grabbed on and lifted. He found the shell and stuffed it in his pocket.

We walked out of the cave. “What are you going to tell your parents if they see you’ve been gone?”

“The truth.”

“Good.” I smiled warmly. The sun halfway peeking over the horizon shone bright. There’s a new day ahead. We walked along the shore.

I felt bad ruining his imagination. Forcing him home and saying goodbye feeling yucky about everything that happened and what was said at the cave. So I decided to make things better.

“Hey,…..If you toss the shell out to sea, the Sea Spirit WILL bring back my hat one day.” I winked at him. His eyes brightened up. Pulling the shell out he ran towards the sea and tossed it.

The shell landed far off were the waves began to turn. He turned back to me with a great smile. “You’ll get your hat back! Don’t you worry!”

I laughed relieved he was of high spirits again. “Race you home!”

We ran off, the wind blowing our hair about, the sun shining bright.

When where we stood washed up on shore, a straw hat, with a little blue ribbon.

I’m home and alone,

Got nothin to do,

I toss and I tern,

Got nothin to do,

I whine and I pout,

Got nothin to do.

I hear a sound like people at my door.

But much smaller and high pitched.

It must be my little neighbor……with her little bratty friend.

I sit in my seat as they bang on the door, ring on the bell.

I’ve got no place to go, no plans on set. their just annoying kids and I…a moody teen.

Each bang on the door a memory enters my mind. Flooding my head filled with young memories of mine.

Us, Me and the Neighbors, running through streets, running through trees,

I began to get excited, to shiver to jump!

The door stopped banging and the little voices hushed. They began to leave as I rushed for the door. Leap after Leap, Huff after Huff! I YANKED that door open looking out to the air,

Two little neighbors turning around, faces lit up, excitement ring through. We ran out in snow and sang to the sky! We walked along streams and sat in the trees.

I was free with my childhood thoughts. Not a care where I should be, not a care what I will be. Just me the neighbors and my Childhood Heart.